(unedited from submission by R. Nelson)
"Whatizit" Research…the other Story
Gentlemen in regard to your "Whatizit" as you know I have made several guesses. Before I commit…I have a couple of more Questions…Maybe not questions…but more of a Statement in the form of a Question. The "Thing" has a patent date somewhere between 1885 and 1888…am I correct? Also it may or may not have the initials Z.B. and or L.N. ? If the answer is yes to any of the above…we are looking at an Attachment a very important Attachment and as your Clue indicated Not a Tool…as we all thought it was.
Also if I`m correct…what you were told the Thing was when you acquired it Is only half the Story…The other half will blow you away.
As I promised the TW List, I went to see my old Friend and distant Relative Johann Gunterson. I never got the chance to pour through his Old Tool Archives…because when I showed Him the printed out picture of Rich and Chucks Gizmo …He turned Pale as a Ghost and finally muttered "Olaf" at the mention of that Name I felt pale and weak and like my Knees weren`t with Me. Olaf was Johanns late Brother and someone who had taken me on one of the Wildest Adventures of my post 1960`s Life.
In the Spring of 1997 I was doing Research…after We on the TW List had been enlightened as to part of the History of the Blickensderfer Typewriter and how a Blick #5 had saved the day in a Battle during the Spanish American War. When as the story goes that the Barlock Typewriters aboard Admiral Perrys Flagship had failed to operate. I did not after that time share my findings with the List…just to one person my friend Peter Weil . For good reasons we agreed not to discuss or reveal it …Ever !
But now that this piece to a long guarded Secret has surfaced…and with the passing of Olaf…it is now My Duty to share it with You and the World.
Now I must gather my thoughts and tell you an Amazing Story…One that began with My trip to Chicago to meet with Olaf in 1997…a trip that literally carried me back in Time..
Before I can tell the story I have to share some background. Z.B. was Zed Blickensderfer and L.N. was Levi Nussbaum. Zed was a second Cousin to George Blickensderfer and was considered by many at the time to be a "Half-wit" and by others as simply a "Dreamer". Actually as you will soon learn He was neither. Levi who owned the C.S. Southworth Machine shop and Bicycle Repair (having retained the name and the Companys good will when he purchased the Business) was Zeds Lifelong Friend as well as his Brother in Law. The Pair also held many Patents under the Southworth name Zeds Wife Marcia died in Childbirth around 1870. Levi was Killed around 1897 when one of the experiments He and Zed were working on exploded and nearly leveled the Shop. The "thing" He and Zed were developing …according to Newspaper accounts of the day was "Some sort of Steam Powered Contraption". After Levis death Zed was admitted for a time to a Mental Asylum. Zed Died in 1901 after being accidentally electrocuted while doing experiments with His Cousins Electric Typewriter. As a side Note not only was that the death of Zed…but also the end of the Blickensderfer Electric as Production was halted.
Now I must ask your indulgence…I am not a Professional Writer, My grammar is poor as is my sentence structure…plus I can`t Type. But I will do the best I can to put this Story in some kind of order. All I have are my thoughts and recollections written on the Airplane back to California
The Story begins My original Notes from 1997
To Peter and whom it may concern:
What I am about to tell you must remain in the strictest
confidence, if this document were to be ever made public, History
as millions know it would be changed forever our Government would
fall and the World as we know it would never recover ,Chaos and
Upheaval would be the norm, Sanity and Trust would be a thing of
the past ,no longer would the Citizens of the World know what to
believe or whom to believe…for a couple of Hours anyway.
Last month while doing research after reading your Blickensderfer/Barlock/Spanish American War article,I stumbled across as you know the little known history of Zed Blickensderfer. Also a major coincidence happened by being invited to Chicago to meet with a distant Relative who said he had some important information to share. Mr. Olaf Gunterson had worked in the War Departments Classified Document Vault from 1939 to 1990 and contrary to policy read everything he is directed to destroy…and then some ( He worked alone in the 1,000,000 square foot vault) Upon my arrival cousin Olaf met me at the airport, I thought it very strange … really strange He was dressed as a woman ,but who am I to judge such matters ? Still here was someone, A Man I had met when I was 9 years old when he came for a visit …the same Man we all went to Knotts Berry Farms Old Ghost Town with ( We took all of our visiting relatives there…No Disneyland yet )the Man that sent me an old Pocket Watch upon his return to Chicago…after I had asked my Father to buy me an Antique one we saw at Knotts (Olaf said he had an old watch he would send me) The same Man my Mother still received and sent a Christmas Card to every year to … a Man known to me as a very stable profoundly intelligent person now dressed as an Old Lady with baggy nylons and block heel Weatherby Kaisers. At this point I was ready to run and book the next flight back to California or anywhere other than there. Some unknown instinct and a duty to my friend and fellow collector Peter Weil made me stay. I wanted to continue our research and this now seemed my last chance to find out what really happened to the Columbia Barlock typewriters aboard the American Warship so many years before. This was vital information and perhaps the chance for some small recognition from my peers, but mainly to solve the mystery of WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO THOSE MACHINES.
Olaf and I finally arrived at a seedy Topless joint somewhere outside of Chicago after a Cab ride that seemed to take forever…That strangely enough neither one of us paid for . Olaf directed me to follow, we climbed an aged wooden staircase and opened a heavy steel Door. I was not prepared for what I was about to see. There were row after row of antique Filing Cabinets and Bookshelves. On one wall there was a large framed Map and next to that was an ancient Bulletin type board with ribbons pinned to documents and in turn the ribbons were extended and pinned to different areas to the large World Map. Next to this area was a small icebox, a neatly arranged workbench and old fashioned reel to reel tape recorder and for that time a state of the art Computer. In the middle of the room was a large desk and two old beat up arm chairs…and something that really caught my eye a Remington #2 on a Remington table. This I immediately went for. It was in pretty good shape except the left hand shift key and lever were broken off and someone had notched out the desk under the keyboard. I told Olaf "what a shame "…
All he said was "yes isn`t it " He directed me to sit and proceeded to remove his Dress, at this point I started for the door. Olaf finally smiled "take it easy Bobby you're not my type, I have to take desperate measures since I first contacted you, If They knew that I know and that I am about to reveal such information, They`d come at me with everything they`ve got" (which probably wouldn`t take much since Olaf was well into his 80`s) Now I really wanted to leave ,this old Gentleman was obviously deranged, probably brought about by his years of isolation being in charge of the vault. Olaf seemed at once to know what I was thinking, "No, No it`s not like that, I`m afraid I`ve stumbled into something and I`ve been holding it in for Years. I couldn`t tell anyone…Until now. After I received your Moms last Christmas Card telling me about your fascination with History and especially old Typewriters , I figured I`d give you a call.
What could he mean? I was just a typewriter collector looking for some obscure facts to entertain and enlighten a hand full of people, half of which could care less. But here I was in some room which to me looked like time had forgot and in the company of some paranoid cross dressing weirdo drinking Jack Daniels and smoking Cuban Cigars, This was almost to much for my sanity to comprehend, I should be at Home puttering in my Garage … but NO I had this stupid mission to complete, wherever it might end up.
Olaf now attired in an outfit similar to what Capt. Kirk of Star Trek used to wear motioned for me to come to the Map. He pointed with his boney finger to Cuba there was a ribbon connected from this point to the state of Connecticut from there another was connected to Chicago and from there to the District of Columbia. Then from there to the bulletin board and attached next to a stack of documents labeled Blickensderfer that were pinned to the board. Next to these documents was a yellowed Newspaper Article and Drawing of the Battleship Maine on fire and sinking. The next thing I saw startled me even more a ribbon stretched from the Blickensderfer papers to another stack of documents labeled OLIVER. "What is all this"? I thought Olaf removed the Blickensderfer documents from the board and began to spread them out on the large desk as if he were dealing cards for a game of Solitaire. He then removed a locked tin cash box from a loose floorboard under the bed then placed that on the desk. He then removed the documents marked Oliver from the board and spread them in four neat piles in a row below the Blick documents. The first document of the Blick pile was the now familiar account of Zed Blickensderfers mishap with his experimental Steam Powered Contraption. At this point I was beginning to seriously doubt My Sanity, it was then that He unlocked the old cash box and removed what appeared to be a Toy Cannon, but as I looked at this Artifact , I could see this was no toy but a working model . I stood silently waiting for what Olie would do next. He then walked over to the row of filling cabinets and retrieved a dial such as the type used for a small vintage Safe. This he attached to the bottom of the desk spun it several times to reveal a hidden compartment out of this he pulled another piece but this time it was some sort of Steam Boiler for some reason it had a thing on the side like a Teeter-Totter. He sat that next to the Cannon and handed me a large folded Engineering Drawing which was retrieved from the second pile of Blick documents, this print had the initials Z.B. and L.N on the edge nearest the top right corner. I instantly realized this was a model of a weapon of mass destruction and infinite power. Zed Blickensderfer was no half wit , Levi Nussbaum was no Bicycle repairman ! and the explosion that leveled Nussbaums work shop was not just an accident but some sort of test to prove out the awesome power of this Weapon, but something had gone wrong, "What?" I wondered "just wait" Olaf told me,as if he could read my mind . He then handed me a document from the Oliver pile. This document was addressed to a Mr. J. Gonzales Chief Engineer for the Oliver Typewriter Co. and was originally sealed with wax. This was a hand carried document under strict security according to Olaf . It informed of the unfavorable results of Zed and Levi`s tests and that Zed was now temporarily confined to a mental hospital, Nussbaum was dead and all they had left was Zeds prints and drawings, something more had to be done on his part if the project was to succeed. Gonzales was told to take certain development of the Weapon and have it ready for "the planned World Test under actual battle conditions" How was Gonzales connected to the War Dept.? Was he a secret agent? For that matter what about Zed? I knew only one person could answer these questions…Olaf ! Who had by this time made another wardrobe change and was now dressed as The Lone Ranger... complete with Mask …"what`s with this Guy?"…"I hope he doesn`t want me to play Tonto"
After pouring through several more documents and several more shots of Jack, most of my questions were answered, first of all I was drunk, second of all Olie was about half gone and drooling all over his precious documents, plus a small fire had started in the waste basket directly under his hand (where he had dropped his "Cubano")
Stupid Me after pouring what was left of the Jack Daniels in an attempt to extinguish the blaze the whole area erupted in flames and… Olafs boots were on fire, fortunately this revived the Old Man and he started to dance about wildly ...Effectively putting the fire out in the process. But more important was the fact that I was now into something I had not bargained for …One of the biggest blunders OR cover-ups in the Modern World ...WHO actually started the Spanish American War and what was even more unnerving was HOW it was started.
Zed Blickensderfers experiments lacked one thing the proper projectile (or so they thought ) for his Cannon, That`s where Gonzales came in. The War Dept. knew Gonzales true loyalties lay with his native country Spain, they also knew Gonzales had been supplying large quantities of scrap metal to the Spanish Navy from the Oliver Rework Dept., ( that must be why Antique Dealers refer to Typewriters as "Boat Anchors" ) It was decided that this would be over looked since Gonzales could not in any way know what the Guns planned use was or against Who for that matter. They needed Gonzales because He could design such a projectile that would fit the rifling and straight bore in Zeds cannon.
Meanwhile work on the full size Cannon was being completed in the Dark of Night at the Switzer Umbrella Factory near the Long Beach Naval Shipyard in California.
Olaf watched and smiled as I tried to put two and two together…but I still kept coming up with three ! After the Cannon was complete and the Maine docked in Long Beach word was sent to have the secret firing mechanism transported. The Gun was mounted. The Accelerator was installed below decks above the Engine Room.
The Maine had a full head of steam waiting for orders, some crates were quickly loaded … soon a special Courier arrived with Sealed Orders and the Firing Mechanism. The Maine steamed out of Port and into the History Books. It was decided by the War Dept. that tests of the weapon would be carried out in Havana Harbor, not only for secrecy, but away from U.S. waters and the Prying Eyes of the Press and at the same time to send a message to the Spanish who were becoming a little Unruly.
"Well" said Olie ( who was now disguised as Groucho Marx ) "you got it figured out ?….Let me help you " The Cannon had done the same as it had in Levi Nussbaums secret workshop but on a much larger scale…The Maine was blown apart and sunk, And…Upon receiving word the War Dept. immediately, to cover Their own Ass`s blamed the Spanish and pressed the President and Congress to Declare War."
You would think that was the end of Zeds Cannon...but No. Olie showed me more documents giving evidence that the War dept. attempted the same thing again in 1912 … this test was to be carried out soon after the Titanic docked in New York with a special Passenger that was to design a new Triggering Mechanism, But as we all know that appointment was never kept.
With that Olaf reappeared…this time dressed in an old Sailor Suit. ?!? "lets go get a Drink…You ain`t heard noth`in yet !" (God now What?) We locked the door and headed down the stairs to the Topless joint below .... Just for a Night Cap… you understand. As we reached the Door something really funny caught my Eye…there was a Characture of Olaf dressed in his PoopDeck Pappy Outfit holding a Penguin by the Neck with the Caption "Welcome To Olies…Come on in it`s Hot inside."
Olaf made his way through the Bar…everybody was shaking his hand and patting him on the back. Wow…this Guy is full of suprises . A scantily clad Waitress came up to Me and said "Hi …you a friend of Olies?…what`s your Name? " "Dah..ah aa mm a… Tonto !" She was kind of pretty, she would have been real pretty if She would have had a few more Teeth. Before I could discuss the value of a good Dental Plan with Her…Olie pulled me by the arm and said " Come on we gotta get Home". Hell I thought we just left Home…and where was my Drink? He headed me for the back door and out we went…into a long screened in hallway with shutters. This opened up into a long hallway inside an old House. This wasn`t some Bar that had a little apartment behind…this was a huge old Brownstone type place …with a Bar behind it! When we reached the Parlor I saw a Lady in a recliner watching T.V. "Land sakes it`s about time you two got here" she said smiling.
"Bobby meet my Wife…Matilda Blickenderfer Gunterson" "Holy Shit !!…Blickensderfer ???"…I blurted out. Now what? I can`t take much more of this …I`m drunk and passed out …Yes!… that has to be it…this can`t be real…it`s because of my obsession with old Typewriters …that`s got to be it…please tell me I`m dreaming…somebody wake me up NOW ! "A … sorry excuse me Mrs. Gunterson" I heard myself say. "Call me Mattie…don`t worry about Me I grew up behind a Saloon and then a Horse Ranch …that`s where I met Peckerhead over there" At that her and Olie both laughed… I was laughing too…I think my brain was starting to shut down "You try those costumes on…what you gonna wear? " I`m not wearing none of them!…I look stupid …tell her Bobby" "I don`t know I kind of liked you in the Dress"… Mattie roared…Olie looked a little miffed… then started smiling. It was then I started looking at Olie in a whole new Light…he`s not Deranged …weird maybe …but ,what the hell so am I ( I collect Typewriters don`t I ? )...BUT this is getting a little too Weird even for Me.